Assisted Marriage

On Sundays, Indian families with children of marriageable age practice an ancient ritual. They awaken before dawn and restlessly await the auspicious arrival of the Sunday paper. Once it is delivered, they say a short prayer before they scour the papers for the coveted Matrimonial section.

While arranging marriages is an obsession as old as the Kamasutra, it has taken on a few modern avatars: matrimonial newspaper ads and websites being the parental arsenal of choice for securing eternal happiness for their unwed children.

One lazy Sunday as my friends and I were lounging over chai and cigarettes, we decided that we needed to find a suitable girl for the eligible bachelor in our midst. As I was combing through the matrimonial section full of ‘fair, slim, professionally qualified, homely girls and innocent-divorcees’ I spied an ad for Muslim brides and found one that sounded eerily like me. When I read it to my father over the phone amid fits of laughter, there was silence at his end. He had indeed listed my profile on the Matrimonial pages.

This was not the first time that my parents had brought up the issue of marriage. The pressure to get married started when I was very young. Twelve months old to be exact. When my father, who was away at the time of my birth, learnt that he had a daughter he wasted no time in promising my tiny hand in marriage to his friends’ son.

When I grew older, my parents would haul me off to dinner parties and weddings where I would be introduced to a different assortment of eligible bachelors. Later they began preparing my resume and passing it on to anyone and everyone who was connected to a potential partner. I discovered the existence of my resume, drafted by none other than my father, only because I started getting strange calls from my relations, and sometimes random strangers, asking me about my qualifications, complexion, and cooking skills.

After graduation, while my parents began looking for a suitor in earnest, I went on to pursue a masters in Bombay and began to work there as well. My decision to leave home was fraught with tension and guilt. There was a lot emotional blackmail, tears and threats, but in the end we struck a bargain; I could do as I pleased as long as I met the men they lined up.

I met a dizzying array of men. One quizzed me on my religious knowledge, another spoke in painful detail about his academic accomplishments; another magnanimously proclaimed ”I will allow my wife to work”; an America returnee who couldn’t stop talking about his BMW and ”Game room”. When I in turn asked them about Amitav Ghosh, David Lynch or Green Day I only drew blank stares.

I also had to deal with a volley of questions from the prospective in-laws. I was looked up and down, all my proportions sized up, and then interrogated on my language skills (English, Hindi, Urdu), culinary dexterity (Maggi instant noodles) and deference to elders (non-existent).

After one too many of such meetings, when my parents showed me yet another picture of a prospective candidate, I told them that this was the last time I was going to do this. No exceptions. However, when I read his resume, my interest was piqued. He had a degree from IIT (India’s top engineering school) and a PhD from an Ivy League University.

When we met his family they welcomed us with such warmth, I soon forgot why I was there. They had a bookshelf full of my favorite authors (always a good sign) and soon we were talking about everything from politics to the latest Bollywood blockbuster. Later when they asked me what I was looking for in a husband, I actually was puzzled why they were asking me that! I mumbled something I deemed suitable and soon phone numbers were exchanged and he was to call me.

Our first phone conversation lasted two hours. That progressed to emails and more phone calls. We talked about our work, about films, books, living abroad, college, elections, news, anything and everything. We never once mentioned the ‘M’ word.

So was there a moment when I realized that he was the One? Not really, but to his credit, not only did he know who Amitav Ghosh was, he even knew someone related to him!

We met each other soon after and decided to get married. When I told my friends however, most of them were mystified. They couldn’t understand why I wanted to get married this way. Some felt this was some ”betrayal of the sisterhood”. Others wanted to know if I had caved in to parental pressure. Maybe, but I had been on the arranged marriage circuit a while, and this was the first time I had actually contemplated getting married. My first thought was, “Why did they find him? Why couldn’t I?” But they did and I would have been a fool to say no just to prove a point.

So does arranged marriage work? It’s been nearly two years since we have been married and we are, dare I say it, happy. We share doing the dishes and the laundry, I don’t make perfectly round rotis and sometimes a meal is just Maggi, but the most important thing is that we see each other as equals. So in the end arranged marriage did work out for me.

My parents saw each other for fifteen minutes before they got married, my husband and I talked for nearly six months before we did. My parents faced more parental and family pressures than I did. I had the freedom to say no, my parents did not have the luxury of choice.

Nowadays, arranged marriages are no longer just decided by the parents, both young men and women play an active role in the process of looking for their life partner. In these ”semi-arranged” or ”arranged-love marriages”, the only thing you have to be sure of is that you do want to get married. So all I can say, is keep an open mind, you never know if you’ll get lucky. I know I did.

URL:: http://imaginingourselves.imow.org/pb/Story.aspx?g=0&id=114&lang=1

Buying property? 8 GREAT strategies

Buying property? 8 GREAT strategies

Almost all of us have reason to thank our grandparents and great-grandparents for their foresight in investing in real estate and gold. They may have done so because there was no other investment avenue open to them.

But real estate is still a great investment option, as it gives you capital appreciation and rental income. "It's an investment option since it fights inflation," says Veer Sardesai, a Pune-based financial planner.

So, how do you combine a real asset like real estate with financial assets like stocks to provide the growth impetus to your wealth? The answer lies in understanding the different wealth-enhancing roles of real estate during various stages of life. Here are eight strategies that you could adopt:

1. Start early

Start saving for a home the moment you begin your career. "These are the golden years for saving," says Gaurav Mashruwala, a Mumbai-based financial planner. "Invest in the largest affordable real estate early on in life. This should be your primary residence," says Sardesai.

Early acquisition helps you to repay your home loan

well within your working life. Also, the EMI as a percentage of your salary decreases as your pay increases, making the outflows more affordable. "If you lock into the interest rate for the loan, the interest outflow will be less than the compounding effect of inflation," says Mashruwala. And, of course, there are tax advantages.

Mumbai-based media professional Rajit Desai, 31, used this strategy to great effect. He booked a flat in Borivali-East in December 2000 when he was living in his uncle's flat and didn't have a rent outflow. He took a home loan at a fixed rate of 12.50 per cent per annum and later opted for a floating rate. Slide in the interest rate reduced his loan tenure from 15 to 10 years.

Salary hikes helped him pay higher EMIs. Now married, he says, "The value of my property has appreciated and I plan to sell it and acquire a bigger one." The appreciation has indeed been substantial. He bought the flat at Rs 1,751 per sq ft; the rate now is Rs 3,800 per sq ft. Desai gains even if he doesn't move to a bigger house. Once he repays the loan, he plans to invest the amount that now goes as EMI in mutual funds.

2. Stick to your budget

Yes, you want a home that your family will fit into, but don't over-stretch your budget. When there's a boom in the market, brokers may encourage you to go overboard and buy a bigger house in a better location. Don't give in.

Ideally, look for a property for which you can arrange the down payment, which is typically 15 per cent of the cost of the property. So, you can go for a home costing Rs 10 lakh (Rs 1 million) if you can pay Rs 1.5 lakh (Rs 150,000).

Otherwise, find out the EMI you can afford. It shouldn't exceed 40 per cent of your take-home pay. Experts suggest that you settle for the lower of the two property price figures arrived at by the down payment and EMI approaches. Remember to factor in costs such as stamp duty and brokerage.

3. Invest in real estate MFs

After you've invested in a house, it may take time for you to buy a second one. Instead, consider regular investments in REMF or real estate mutual funds which will be available soon in India. These are mutual fund schemes that invest directly or indirectly in real estate and will initially be closed-ended.

Units will be listed on the bourses and NAVs declared daily. "Returns will be 10-12 per cent, in line with the current market yields," says Deepak Sankhye, manager, investments, Trammel Crow Meghraj.

4. Invest in a second property

Once you've acquired a house and perhaps invested in REMFs, consider buying a second property, which you could rent out. "If you already have a property in your name, take the second property in your spouse's name to save wealth tax," advises Mashruwala.

Tarkesh Gupta, 35, a New Delhi-based Manager (HR) at Dabur Pharma, bought a house in Laxmi Nagar in 2000. He then invested in a society flat costing Rs 15 lakh (Rs 1.5 million) in Indirapuram in 2004.

He recently moved into this flat, whose value has appreciated to Rs 38 lakh (Rs 3.8 million), and plans to rent out his first house. "I want to hold on to the house for at least three-four years before taking a decision on selling," says Gupta. Infrastructure is expected to improve in East Delhi due to the 2010 Commonwealth Games, and Gupta expects more capital appreciation for his flat.

5. Explore emerging areas

Real estate prices will go up in the long term due to the huge demand for housing, though there may be short-term blips. While substantial gains can be made from investment in the metros, you can expect to profit from the considerable appreciation in investments in emerging areas such as non-metros and suburbs.

Should you invest in plots of land? "Land as such does not give you any rental yield. Apart from that, you will have to spend time and money protecting it from encroachments," says Sanjay Verma, joint managing director, Cushman & Wakefield (India).

But, says Jayant Varma, executive director (north) Knight Frank India, "Investing in land is certainly a good option. A new trend is emerging where investors are focusing more on tier-II and tier-III cities as land is still cheaper there." Warns Sankhye: "The risk in investing in land is extremely high. One must ensure a clean title and be diligent."

6. Diversify your portfolio

As your wealth increases, maintain your exposure to real estate by investing in residential and commercial properties. The two categories of real estate investments have different cycles and diversification helps by spreading your risk, though investment in commercial property tends to be costlier than residential property.

You can buy a small commercial property next to an upcoming project or a shop in a mall and rent them out.

7. Invest rental income

You might pay the EMI for the loan you take for your second or third real estate acquisition from the rental income from them. Once the loans are repaid, invest the rental amounts in assets like stocks, equity mutual funds, REMFs and gold to diversify your portfolio since experts recommend that real estate should make up no more than 30 per cent of your portfolio.

Beverly Mathews, 33, a Mumbai-based PR professional who lives with her parents, bought a one-bedroom house at Powai for Rs 13 lakh (Rs 1.3 million) in 2000. "Investment in property was more of a forced saving and it also helped build an asset over the long-term," says Mathews.

Recently, she rented out the property and gets Rs 10,500 per month as rent. The EMI on her home loan is Rs 11,571. She has also started investing in mutual funds to diversify her portfolio.

8. Right size your investments

Managing real estate investments becomes difficult once you retire. That's why you should sell them over time, except the home you live in. The proceeds can be re-invested in regular income creating assets such as annuities. Some of them can be invested in higher risk instruments like equity funds to beat inflation.

While real estate is undoubtedly a great tool for wealth creation, it has its downsides. You need to make a large initial investment. The advent of REMFs will remove this drawback as you will be able to invest even small amounts in them.

Also, real estate is highly illiquid, especially when compared to financial assets like stocks, so you need a long-term investment horizon. But there's still enough lustre in it to make it investment worthy.

There are numerous wealth creating opportunities that will arise from real estate; stay alert to exploit them.

URL for this article:
http://www.rediff.com///money/2006/jul/27property.htm

Great Things About Marriage

EMOTIONAL/SOCIAL/PHYSICAL

1. Marriage allows people to overcome feelings of loneliness and incompleteness by forming a complementary union, and provides a relationship of mutual care, respect, and protection. (Source: Bridget E. Maher, "The Benefits of Marriage," Family Research Council, February 18, 2005).

2. Married people are happier and healthier than widowed, divorced, separated, cohabiting or never-married people, and tend to live longer than those who are not married. (Sources: Charlotte A. Schoenborn, "Marital Status and Health: United States, 1999-2002," Advance Data from Vital and Health Statistics, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (Number 351, December 15, 2004; Linda J. Waite and Maggie Gallagher, The Case for Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially (New York: Doubleday, 2000) 50-52))

3. Unmarried people spend twice as much time as patients in hospitals as their married peers and have lower activity levels. (Source: Lois Verbrugge and Donald Balaban, "Patterns of Change, Disability and Well-Being," Medical Care 27 (1989): S128-S147).

4. Married people experience the lowest rates of mental disorder among all social groups of people, and are less likely to commit suicide than unmarried people. (Sources: David Williams, et al., "Marital Status and Psychiatric Disorders Among Blacks and Whites," Journal of Health and Social Behavior 33 (1992): 140-157; Linda J. Waite and Maggie Gallagher, The Case for Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially (New York: Doubleday, 2000) 50-52).

5. Marriage protects women from domestic and general violence. (Source: Jan Stets, "Cohabiting and Marital Aggression: The Role of Social Isolation," Journal of Marriage and the Family 53 (1991): 669-680; Criminal Victimization in the United States, 1992," U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Bureau of Justice Statistics, (March 1994), p. 31, NCJ-145125).

6. Marriage provides the highest levels of sexual pleasure and fulfillment for men and women. Sources: Robert T. Michael, et al., Sex in America: A Definitive Survey, (Boston: Little, Brown, and Company, 1994), p. 124-129; Edward O. Laumann, et al., The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1994), p. 364, table 10.5; Andrew Greeley, Faithful Attraction: Discovering Intimacy, Love and Fidelity in American Marriage, (New York: Tom Doherty Association, 1991), see chapter 6).

WORK/INCOME

7. Married people enjoy greater wealth than unmarried people - and the longer they stay married, the more their wealth accumulates. (Source: Linda J. Waite and Maggie Gallagher, The Case for Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially (New York: Doubleday, 2000) 97-123).

8. Married employees are generally happier and healthier than employees who are divorced, cohabiting, or unpartnered, and on average, they earn higher wages than their single counterparts and have lower absenteeism. (Sources: Maggie Gallagher, Why Supporting Marriage Makes Business Sense, p. 2, 7 (Corporate Resource Council, 2002); Linda Waite & Maggie Gallagher, The Case for Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially, p. 97-123 (Doubleday: New York 2000)).

CHILDREN

9. Married parents give children the best chance of becoming happy, healthy, and morally upright citizens in the future. (Sources: Mary Parke, "Are Married Parents Really Better for Children?" Center for Law and Social Policy, May 2003, p. 1; Bridget E. Maher, "The Benefits of Marriage," Family Research Council, February 18, 2005).

10. Married parents tend to have better parent-child relationships. (Source: Sandra L. Hofferth and Kermyt G. Anderson, "Are All Dads Equal? Biology versus Marriage as a Basis for Paternal Investment," Journal of Marriage and Family 65 (February 2003): 213-232).